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Affairs and Dating

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The Benefits of Having an Affair

Perhaps you’ve grown bored with your current partner. You want to keep the security of the relationship you’ve grown to cherish, but you need some spice in your life. You need something exciting to bring the color back to your face. Everything you’ve ever learned about relationships has placed an absolute no on ever having any extramarital affairs. Even if you’re not married (though some boyfriends or girlfriends can feel crushingly like husbands and wives), you’ve learned that having an affair is not acceptable. This is disheartening, because it can make committed relationships feel like black holes of isolation. You start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you, that you want a little bit of flirtation and excitement and newness to your love life.

This is a perfectly human urge. There is nothing wrong with it. Furthermore, acting on it can in fact make you feel more like a powerful, attractive, sexy individual in your committed relationship. Too many people waste away in their relationships, thinking that they have to deny themselves their own pleasures in order to maintain the boyfriend/girlfriend partnership, or the marriage. The truth of it, however, is that any partnership is only as strong as the hearts of the individuals in it.

Affairs can be fun

Affairs can be fun

Life is never as cut-and-dry as, “I either want my husband/wife exclusively or I don’t want him/her at all.” The fact is that people go through cycles, and sometimes your partner turns you on, and sometimes the other girl, the guy at work, the tennis coach, is the one you feel a romantic connection with. That connection doesn’t negate the partnership you and your spouse feel – in fact, it can strengthen it.

If you feel satisfied in your desires, you are less likely to take dissatisfaction out on your spouse. If you don’t take dissatisfaction out on your spouse, the relationship flows better. The world was made for joy, not for self-denial. A connection based on love shouldn’t be based on denial. Why, then, do so many people deny themselves the sexual pleasure they deserve as human beings, for the sake of some relationship ideal that doesn’t exist? And it’s only an ideal – denying yourself the vital, sexual energy that comes from having an affair, if that’s what you truly desire, means denying your actual, committed relationship.

The voices telling you that “affairs aren’t good” hardly ever give any satisfying logic. They’re just outdated social codes that don’t speak to the way you actually feel. Society, as well as individual relationships, should be based on what is actually real to the individuals that comprise them. Overly simplistic social codes such as “don’t have affairs” deny the complex, rich spectrum of human emotion that can necessitate an affair.

You want to feel like the most attractive man or woman you can be, for yourself and for your loved ones. Self-denial and its associated demon, self-pity, are hardly ever attractive qualities. Sometimes, an extramarital affair is the only way to keep you feeling powerful and alive.